Tuesday, August 24th, 2004
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8:06 pm - sooooooo long sweet summer ....sweet?
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tomorrow is the last day of my summer vacation. time to recap.
SUMMER <3'S
virginia beach and all that went along with it, warped tour, the few weeks spent with a new best bud, dashboard concert, summer olympics
SUMMER HATES
spending 97% of my time at tjmaxx, the crummy weather, speeding ticket, tonsilitis, shingles, anemic diagnosis, the fourth of july, trey cool's death
REGRETS
working so much, not saving more money, not seeing my friends more, not eating more ice cream, only going to the beach a couple of times
wow. i wish i could redo most of that.
move-in on thursday. so much packing to do. not enough room. not enough time. and tooooo many people to say goodbye to.
current mood:  stressed
current music: sugarcult- "champagne"
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Thursday, August 19th, 2004
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2:19 pm - love... love will tear us apart... again.
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yesterday was warped tour in buffalo. i had the besttt time minus everyone's fighting.
i met fall out boy. i almost peed my pants. they autographed my cd and i could barely even speak because they rock so hard. their show was pretty good too... but yellowcard kicked everyone's ass.
brooke and britney got covered in someone's blood. i almsot threw up. i said maybe they should go for an HIV test or something. yuck.
i can't wait for next year's tour.
our hotel rooms in buffalo were free. sean's mom hooked us up because she's nick scott's personal assistant. and the boys brought too much alcohol. so we're saving the rest of it for move-in day.
it was awkward to have ryan AND britney there. and liz and andy had too much sex. and brooke and sean fought too much. but i had fun.
current mood:  tired
current music: matchbook romance- "playing for keeps"
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Tuesday, August 17th, 2004
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11:07 pm - so bottle up old love... and throw it out to sea.
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i really need someone to talk to.
i really need to find out how the houston calls concert went last night.
i really need to see cody.
and i really need to move far away from everyone i know and start over.
tonight i'm not excited about college. i don't want to go away from home. i don't want to room with brooke. i don't want to play lacrosse for SRU or anyone for that matter.
tomorrow that will all change. but that's how it stands for tonight.
tonight was my last night of work. i hate it there.
warped tour is tomorrow. brooke, me, sean, andy, liz, britney, ricky, ryan and some other kids are all going. then we're getting some hotel rooms and spending the night in buffalo.
tonight i don't want to go. tomorrow HOPEFULLY that will change.
we love erie days is this weekend. i'm looking for someone/some people to go with. let me know if you want to come. but only if we don't usually hang out. because tonight i'm tired of everyone i know.
tomorrow i doubt that will change.
current mood:  grouchy
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Saturday, August 14th, 2004
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11:01 pm - someday you'll be famous, but never forget-- it isn't someday yet
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i'm so glad it's almost time for college. i don't think i'm going to miss it here as much as some people are.
however, i have made a list of the things i want to do before summer is over:
1.learn how to do my laundry (i figure this might be helpful in college)
2.get into shape (aka stop eating oatmeal cream pies)
3.hookup with ansel.
4.egg miss hayes' house (lemme know if you're helping)
5.grow boobs (least likely to be accomplished)
josh is on tour with his band houston calls(www.houstoncalls.com). he's playing a show in baton rouge on monday so kelli is going to see him. i'm more jealous than ever. i called him today and asked him to put her on the guest list. he said he would love to. she's going to be making love to houston calls and madison while i get fucked by tjmaxx.
dear josh, don't take this the wrong way but i came across a good piece of poetry for you today while reading my Revolution on Canvas
you'd die to formulate the perfect summer excuse
while dreamin about another girl.
you drive to the point to make out with eachother.
play her a song, brother this one.
screw until dawn.
and then go on tour.
-Brandon Bondehagen from "Christiansen"
rockstars are predictable. enough said.
current mood:  indifferent
current music: There's Always Tomorrow- "Club: Girls"
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Saturday, August 7th, 2004
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11:05 pm
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cody is coming to visit.
thats all i need.
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Friday, August 6th, 2004
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11:43 pm - have you seen the boy with my heart on his sweater?
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my test results came back. they discovered that i have an iron deficiency which is most likely the reason for my ALWAYS being sick. they told me i'm anemic and i have to take more pills AND more blood tests. damn.
my tan is going away... or more like peeling away. it's gross but it makes me sad and miss last thursday night. but thennn i started remembering. haha kel this a good one-- "i've got some potential... ummm yea i've got some ladies here". so classic. i wonder where he is right now??
i also broke a mirror tonight. greattt. seven whole fffffffing years of bad luck. as if my life and luck weren't shitty enough. cody said that maybe since things are crappy already it will work in reverse. i sure hope so.
current mood:  distressed
current music: tbs- "lost and found"
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Thursday, August 5th, 2004
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5:11 pm - but i'm sure the view from heaven beats the hell out of mine here...
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i had to go get bloodwork today so they can try and figure out what the hell is wrong with me.
i've never had bloodwork done before and i was so scared that i started to cry and i felt like the biggest deusch bag. especially when it didn't even hurt.
and when i got home trey cool (my fish) was floating at the top of his bowl. i've had him for 5 years. and i started to cry again only way harder. i made mom take care of him so i don't even know where he is anymore. i miss my baby...
current mood:  sad
current music: jimmy eat world- "may angels lead you in"
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Wednesday, August 4th, 2004
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8:42 pm - ...sing it loud to drown out the feeling...
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it's wednesday and that means the ASHLEE SIMPSON SHOW is on tonight.
and it also means that the x-games start tomorrow night at 9.
and all this makes me realize how lamee my life truely has become.
i had a pat monnahan (sp?) spotting at the mall tonight. he had on a hat real low but he didn't get by me...
..
who gives a fuk about that guy anyways??
i'm still feeling sick. i thought i was doing better but i almost forgot that i'm ALWAYS supposed to feel like shit. codizzle hasn't even called in like two days and i miss him.
current mood: crappy
current music: the new taking back sunday cd... all of it
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Sunday, August 1st, 2004
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8:17 pm - in fact... i wish your heart was mine
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i don't know what's wrong with me and why i always get sick
but
now i have tonsilitis. it's horrible.
they said they want to take my tonsils out.
i said no.
finally got a new cell phone since the display went on my old one.
apparently water isn't good for them.
same number so you can call.
i have to go back to work tomorrow after 9 days off.
i don't want to go back to work so i'm hoping my fever keeps up...
as miserable as it is.
i miss virginia beach so much. and i miss kelli. and cody and antwon.
but everything will change soon enough and we will all be rich and happy.
current mood:  sick
current music: rocket summer- "cross my heart"
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Saturday, July 31st, 2004
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11:40 pm - and if you should ever leave me... i will crumble
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why do i watch so many movies?
tonight was "wuthering heights"
so sad. i haven't cried that hard over ANYTHING in such a long time.
current mood: sappy
current music: heath- "crumble"
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4:14 pm
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and we'd get drunk and kiss
our bodies twist like shoelaces
and we never came untied
i guess you were just my type
you know that summer never stopped
.i.still.pretend.i'm.there.
conor always knows EXACTLY how it feels...
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Friday, July 30th, 2004
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11:41 pm - "look!! i'm touching her boob with the lazer pointer!!!"
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i just got home from vacation. i miss it. home is so lonely.
i bet no one cares but i'm going to talk about it anyways.
our hotel had the best location on the beach. our balcony overlooked the "surfing scene". it's hard to describe how amazing it truely is to wake up and look out your window only to see 30 half dressed good looking gentlemen. it was nice. :)
kelli and i felt really old though. the boardwalk was crawling with "eleventeen year olds". ewe. howeverrrrrr we did meet a few sailors with AMAZINGG cars. haha i guessss we "met and gret the flet"... or something??
we also met some surfers. and i think i fell in love.
last night i was so glad i don't have a boyfriend... but at the same time i've never wanted one more. ugh. but-- WHAT HAPPENS IN VIRGINIA BEACH, STAYS IN VIRGINIA BEACH.
i love you kelli.
never EVER forget this week.
big schoon dog, "meet the fleet", boob checks, freaky tiki, 3 hours of television every day, the ghettoness of our hotel, being charged with rape, "i went running" "in that?!", our late-nite porch/bench talks, boys who try to sell us pot and lie about it, "theres lots of little girls here", our conjoining doors with the boys in the room next to us, your pink pillow case, "haya sweetcheeks", walking 31 blocks and ending up sweating in the ghetto, "you alright man?" "nah dude my balls are chaffing", and EVERYTHING that happened thursday night and friday morning. i won't ever everrrrr forget. i love you k.co.
current mood:  AMAZING
current music: anything as long as KEVIN TULLY is singing it
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Saturday, July 24th, 2004
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9:16 pm - he's well hung and i am hanging up
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my uncle's wedding was today. the service lasted for an hour and 15 minutes. that's entirely too long to exchange rings, say i do, and kiss. i can't wait for my wedding...
kelli is coming tonight. but she just called and said she is stuck in detroit and her flight is delayed indefinitely. the airlines suck.
but !!! we leave tomorrow for virginia beach. and even though weather.com says it's going to thunderstorm the ENTIRE time we are there... we will have fun. i know this.
today josh told me i should go on tour with him. how scene would that be? i'd follow him and the hellogoodbye bois IN A SECOND. but i'm going to college... a month from tuesday. -i can't believe how fast i'm growing up.-
/the t.e.n. h.o.u.r. drive is bound to be worth it\
.home friday night.
current mood: hopeful
current music: Fall Out Boy- "Calm Before the Storm"
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Sunday, July 18th, 2004
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8:31 pm - the stars shine only with tears
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today was my graduation party. i didn't know some of the people that came but they gave me cards with money anyways. and i think i liked that.
it makes me sad that none of my old best friends came. just a couple of the new ones. what the fuk has happened?
i've been watching a lot of movies lately. last night was "the dangerous lives of altar boys". what a shitty way to lose a best friend.
i want to be pissed off more than ANYTHING. i mean, wouldn't you be? i've been trying to hookup since n.o.v.e.m.b.e.r. and finally i have the chance. but i introduced him to her and then they decide to fuk around. shit like that always happens to me. but i'll never say anything. i'm just too good of a friend to get mad about things like that. i wish people would realize that about me.
kelli comes on saturday and then we leave for virginia beach on sunday morning. honestly, if that wasn't the case, i have no idea what would get me through this week.
everything sucks.
current mood: depressed
current music: dashboard confessional- "drowning"
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Friday, July 16th, 2004
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12:29 am
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holy shit. andrew told me "requiem for a dream" was a good movie.
i rented it.
i can't even explain.
it was truely one of the most intense, amazing, sad, movies i have ever seen.
just watch it. or don't. but it's... just... holy shit.
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Monday, July 12th, 2004
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11:32 pm - that's the boy i long to see... fall in love with me
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so i've had lists of what i thought the perfect boy would be. but i have been working on a new one... i think this one could be more realistic.
*loves to cuddle
*will play the guitar for hours so i can just sit there and listen
*likes to run or ride bicycles. not for exercise, but because he likes to feel the wind in his face.
thats all i have so far. message me if u match these.
"and there is nothing more i want than just one night
that's free of doubt and sadness
one night that i can really feel."
current mood:  blank
current music: Bright Eyes- "Touch"
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Sunday, July 11th, 2004
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11:06 pm - i'm in love with my saddness
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dan's graduation party was last night. ansel was there. we talked some. he told me his parents were out of town and he would pick me up later. i told him i was going to bed. he left and got high. the whole world is on drugs and that is so unfortunate.
andrew and i were talking about my saddness tonight. and he said the coolest thing ever.
"Perhaps if your sad all the time.. it makes the beautiful and happy things all the more - - better"
perfect.
mom and i watched "love actually" tonight. it was good. different... but i liked it. unfortunatly though it made me feel extra lonely. but i'm getting used to it.
current mood: lonely
current music: Sigur Ros
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Friday, July 9th, 2004
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11:39 pm - it's kinda like listening to your favorite song on mute
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tonight is sad.
i don't have poison ivy; i have shingles. i hate shingles.
it's so amazing how you can meet someone and connect so well. and then, suddenly, shit changes and it's over. no second glance, no extra minutes... just the end. and that makes me sad.
sometimes i think about that weekend in november. and i wish i could go back and change some things. and make the most of it. i think we take situations for granted all too often.
i really miss kell extra tonight. happy phone calls can sometimes provoke the saddest feelings.
15 days and everything will be better.
current mood: sad
current music: Houston Calls- "Where to Start"
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Monday, July 5th, 2004
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10:32 pm - i have poison ivy... wanna wrestle?
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last night was crummy. the entire fourth of july was crummy.
i miss kelli and the july 4s we used to spend in FL with our parade packs...
jon and i had a 4.5 hour talk tonight. that's a long time. and we talked about everythingggg.
ME: yea jon but you broke my heart in a million little pieces.
JON: i broke my own heart.
what am i supposed to say to that? i said nothing.
anyways, my poison ivy is still miserable. i have a doctors appointment tomorrow. i have a feeling it's going to be uncomfortable having him touch my assss. dammmmn poison ivvvvy.
i went shopping for my dorm room with mom tonight. i swear i will have the best towels at sru.
current mood: itchy
current music: hellogoodbye- "dear jamie...sincerly me"
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Sunday, July 4th, 2004
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11:33 am - Red blooded, White skinned oh and the Blues. I got the Blues!
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Happy Fourth of July!!
family breakfast at the beach this morning. it was too early so i ate and then slept in the car. dad told me i was antisocial and rude.
The family is in from New Jersey so Rachel has been staying in my bed in my room and i've been stuck on the floor and i hate it.
yesterday was so beautiful- we went out on the boat and i got a tann.
Brandon and I went to see Van Helsing last night. I swear that was THE WORST movie i have everrrr seen.
p.s. we are going to see part II when it comes out.
i also think i have poison ivy again on my back. it ruined two weeks of my summer last year... i'm NOT going to let it happen again. i fuking hate poison ivy.
i have to work alllll today. who the hell wants to go to tjmaxx on the fourth of july? i sure as hell don't.
current mood: discontent
current music: Bright Eyes-Lets Not Shit Ourselves(To Love And To Be Loved)
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